FREE Consulting

UPDATE (8/19/15): Due to my worsening disability, I no longer think it's fair for me to try to make money through consulting. I may never make another pizza, but I still know more about pizza than just about anyone out there, and I would love to be able to help people however I can. Before you go spending a bunch of money on a consultant, talk to me. (The easiest way to reach me is by texting the phone number at the bottom of this page.) Even if I don't update this blog again, my willingness to help will probably never end.

If you are a pizzeria owner (in the United States) who would like to improve your product and/or boost your sales to levels you currently think are impossible, I may be available as a consultant.

You can see by looking at the pictures on this blog that I know pizza inside and out (even though I'm a bad photographer with a horrible oven). What you can't see is that I also know a ton about pizzeria operations, pizza marketing, and customer service (all of which are more important than the pizza you offer).

I know how to help you:
  • Make the best pizza available anywhere, in almost every style.
  • Invent new styles of pizza.
  • Create a cheap pizza that people will actually buy (if food quality is not your #1 priority).
  • Troubleshoot pizza.
  • Arrange your kitchen to make it operate as efficiently as possible. (Inefficiency costs you a lot of money.)
  • Make all of your operations more efficient, without cutting corners.
  • Hire all-star employees and keep them on your payroll.
  • Interact with employees in a way that brings out their best, so their work will make you money.
  • Stop making poor business decisions.
  • Turn your pizzeria's bad reputation around.
  • Attract new customers.
  • Convert your new customers into repeat customers.
  • Make your customers fiercely loyal to your pizzeria.
  • Create a buzz about your pizzeria in your neighborhood or town.
  • Make money instead of losing money.
  • Continue doing these things after I'm gone.

I won't be afraid to tell you what you don't want to hear, if it's what you need to hear; if it'll save your business. I already know if you've read this far, your business is costing you a lot of money. It's not an accident, and it can be changed, as long as you are willing to recognize that you are doing things wrong.

Let me repeat that: You are doing things wrong.

Again: You are doing things wrong.

Get it?

The only way things are gonna change is if you stop doing things wrong and start doing things right. I can help you do that.

There are only a few professional consultants on this planet who can do what I can do for you, but they have big price tags because they've already had opportunities to prove themselves. My price tag is not so big... for now, specifically because I haven't had those opportunities.

I've tried offering my services to a few pizzeria owners in the past, driving hundreds or thousands of miles and working for free, trusting that I wouldn't get ripped off. Unfortunately, I've usually ended up getting ripped off. Consequently, I now have a price tag, which is negotiable.

Of the pizzeria owners I've tried to help in the past, one of them offered to be a reference for me after I worked with him for a month in early 2012. (The others ripped me off, so naturally I wouldn't use them as references.) So if you'd like to hear what my one reference has to say about me, let me know, and I can give you some contact information. (I honestly don't know what he'll say because he never gave me a chance to do what I do well.)

My phone number is 614-738-3867. If you're interested in my services, text me or leave a message, because I usually don't answer my phone (because most of the calls I receive are from unknown numbers, which seem to be almost entirely unwanted solicitations). Consequently, texting is probably the best way to get my attention, because I see every new text I receive. (Most of the texts I receive are unwanted solicitations, as well.)


  1. Let's see the resume that qualifies you to be a consultant.

  2. In the Seattle area about to purchase a failing pizza restaurant. Growing up in Columbus, I think it would be advantageous to emulate Columbus-style pizza in the Northwest. Donatos, Massey's, and Tommy's were among my favorites. I would be interested in consulting with you and picking your brain.

    Please contact me at your convenience. 520-404-5863